Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Go to BabaMail
