My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
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