Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
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