What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
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