A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Go to BabaMail
