It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
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