Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
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