Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Go to BabaMail
