My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
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