Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
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