Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."