Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Go to BabaMail
