I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What does a house wear?
Address.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
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