Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
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