How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What does a house wear?
Address.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
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