Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What does a house wear?
Address.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
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