Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What does a house wear?
Address.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
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