Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
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