Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
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