My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
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