I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
All farts...are laughing gas.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
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