What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
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