What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
All farts...are laughing gas.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
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