I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
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