My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
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