The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
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