A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
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