I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
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