Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
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