The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
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