My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
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