My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
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