I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
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