Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
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