I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
Go to BabaMail
