The other day I was lifting weights on the bench press, when I dropped the weight and it fell on my chest. The nurse said I broke three ribs but I would live. Hearing that really lifted a weight off my chest.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
If anyone has any advice for cosmetic surgery that’s gone terribly wrong...
My wife is all ears.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell them where to go.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
Go to BabaMail
