An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
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