I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
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