I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
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