What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
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