My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I have a heart-on for you.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
You’re my heartthrob.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
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