Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I have a heart-on for you.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
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