What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I have a heart-on for you.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
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