Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I have a heart-on for you.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.