How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I have a heart-on for you.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
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