I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
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