My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I can heartly wait to see you again.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
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