You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You’re my heartthrob.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I have a heart-on for you.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
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