A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I have a heart-on for you.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You’re my heartthrob.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
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