The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I have a heart-on for you.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
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