I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
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