Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I have a heart-on for you.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
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