A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
You’re my heartthrob.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
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