I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I have a heart-on for you.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You’re my heartthrob.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
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