Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
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