Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
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