Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Orange you excited for Halloween?
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
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