Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Go to BabaMail
