We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
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