Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
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