“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
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