I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I’m rooting for you!
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Leaf me alone.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I’m very frond of you.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
That’s a bit mulch.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
We’re mint to be.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
You’re unbeleafable.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
I’ll never leaf you.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Herb your enthusiasm.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
All things must grass.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
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