I’m rooting for you!
One more thyme.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I beg your garden?
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
We’re mint to be.
Have you botany plants lately?
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
All things must grass.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Leaf me alone.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
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