She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Your good seed for the day.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
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