Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Seed between the lines.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I beg your garden?
I beg your garden?
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
In the eyes of the lawn.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I’m kind of a big dill.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
It’s party thyme.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
One trick peony.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
You’re unbeleafable.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
I’ll never leaf you.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
That’s a bit mulch.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Your good weed for the day.
Have you botany plants lately?
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
We’re mint to be.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
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