I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.