How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Nothing really mattress.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
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