What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
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