I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
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