A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I couldn't chair less!
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
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