I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I couldn't chair less!
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
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