I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
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