Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Nothing really mattress.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Go to BabaMail
