Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
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