What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Nothing really mattress.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
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