What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
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