Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Icy what you did there.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might."
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
I told you snow.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What did the astronaut’s fiancé say when he proposed to her in open outer space? She said, “I can’t breathe!”
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
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