Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
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