What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
You're so clover!
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
"For peep's sake."
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
My colleague kept on missing deadlines, so I advised him not to bite off more than he can blue!
I like you, you croc my world.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Reading is a novel idea.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I always have a ball with you.
The garden where only white cars are driven can be called a garden of white carnation.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
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