A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
Go to BabaMail
