What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
"Great minds drink alike."
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Go to BabaMail
