How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
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