My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
Why did the cat get divorced?
He was a cheetah.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was much too kneady.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
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