Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
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