I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
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