Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Go to BabaMail
