The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Go to BabaMail
