I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Go to BabaMail
