The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
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