I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
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