How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
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