The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
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