Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
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