What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
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